9/24/03 Philadelphia, PA -- A new study released today by the Pew Foundation and conducted by Dr. Walter Wiznowski of Princeton University suggests that there is good and solid evidence that you are a complete and utter idiot. The three-year study, which was conducted without your knowledge and with the cooperation of your friends, family and co-workers, is part of a comprehensive effort by the world at large to conspire against you in every way possible.
While the results of the study are generally agreed upon by everyone you know, Wiznowski says that a good measure of caution is advised, as studies of this kind are not always accurate.
“Unfortunately, a researcher’s own personal demons can often make their way into the results of a study,” Wiznowski told a group of reporters assembled at your front door. “In this case, the person who headed the study may feel that his own intellect is lacking, or he might find some sort of satisfaction in insulting another person’s intelligence.”
When Dr. Wiznowski was reminded that it was he who had conducted the study, he rolled his eyes and said, “Duh.”
It is not yet known how the news that you are an idiot will affect your life in the long-term. Wasting time on the internet, you could not be reached for comment.
Gah. Funny.
Posted by: Thomas | January 12, 2004 at 10:59 AM