9/23/03 Washington, D.C. -- A study published in the current issue of Geophysical Research shows that the recent and alarming increase of democratic presidential candidates has led to an accumulation of heat-trapping gases and the breakup of a 3,000 year old ice shelf in the Arctic Ocean.
“Carol Moseley Braun’s bid for the presidency is just the tip of the iceberg, but it may well be a death knell for human existence as we know it,” said Dr. Warwick F. Vincent, a biologist specializing in polar ecology at Laval University in Quebec and one of the authors of the study. “We’re seeing a disturbing increase in human activity as a direct result of her announcement, particularly from criticism and ridicule of her campaign in the media.” He added, “The hot air from Judy Woodruff alone is sufficient to produce a significant climactic change -- she should be carefully monitored.”
Many Washington insiders say that it is premature to blame Carol Moseley Braun for everything that is wrong with the world. One presidential candidate, who asked that his name not be used, said that a lot of hot air was coming out of the Lieberman and Kerry campaigns, but could not be more specific.
Ms. Braun, who remains shamefully low in the polls 14 hours into her doomed candidacy, was bravely optimistic. “I can fix the mess they have created because I am practical,” she said. “I am not afraid of partnerships and I am committed to making the world a better place for our children."
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